The Green-Eyed Monster/Transcript
This is an episode transcript for The Green-Eyed Monster. Transcript Navi: Travel two light years to next planet, past space nebula and turn--(coughs) Midgel: I believe we've got a problem. Fidgel: I should say so. Navi: (sneezes) Midgel: I'd say our navigational system has a virus. Fidgel: Uh, bless you. Navi: (sniffs) Thank you. Midgel and Fidgel: Oh! Zidgel: That's the alarm! Battle stations, everyone! Midgel and Fidgel: (panic) Fidgel: Oh! Michelle: Jason's room is bigger than mine. Michelle: See? My room is .05 meters smaller than Jason's! Jason: So I've got the bigger room? At home, I don't even have my own room. Cool! Michelle: It's not cool. I've got a problem here! Fidgel: And we'll look into it as soon as we fix our navigation system. Michelle: But--! Navi: (sneezes) Zidgel: How are we supposed to get anywhere without a navigational system? Wait! I know! We'll use the stars! Midgel: Captain, you failed astronomy at the Academy. Fidgel: How about a map? Zidgel: Uh...seems I've forgotten the exact address. Why don't you guys find it? I've got captain stuff to do! Midgel: Let's see. Ah, here it is, L-7! Kevin: Bingo! Zidgel: Uh, set our course for L-7! Fidgel: Um, I believe you have to fold it here. Midgel: We'll just get to this later. Sol: Hello. The usual? Sol: Bad day? Michelle: You said it. I've got a very serious problem and no one's even paying attention to me. Sol: I'm listening. Michelle: Jason's room is bigger than mine. All this time, I thought I had the bigger room, but no! Sol: Ah, so you've been attacked by the green-eyed monster. Michelle: What? Sol: Envy. It's when you resent someone because they have something you want. Michelle: I don't want what he has. I just think things should be fair, that's all. Sol: Well, as your old pal Sol says, "A tranquil heart is good for the body, but envy rots the bones." Michelle: Do you know I never understand anything you say? Sol: I know. Midgel: We're done, Michelle. Finish up so we can get back on the ship. Michelle: What are we gonna do with all that peanut butter? Navi: (sneezes) Fidgel: Eh, bless you. Navi: (sniffs) Tank you. Admiral Strap: Attention, U.F.P.S Rockhopper. Come on, Rockhopper. Zidgel: We're here, Commander Strap. Admiral Strap: Quite right. Have an assignment for you. There's a territorial dispute on Planet Picket. Need you to dash over there and make things right.This is no milk run, men. Tensions are running high on Planet Picket. Good fences do not make good neighbors. Jason, Zidgel, Midgel, and Fidgel: (giggle) Admiral Strap: Your assignment is no less than preventing all-out war. Jason, Zidgel, Midgel, and Fidgel: (giggle) Admiral Strap: Did I say something funny? Zidgel: No, sir. It's just-- Admiral Strap: I don't see what's so funny. I just told you, tensions are high. Must put a stop to it! Planet Picket is no picnic, I can promise you that! Jason, Midgel, and Fidgel: (laugh) Admiral Strap: What on earth is going on there, Captain, is there something I should know? Zidgel: Not at all, sir. We're on our way, Commander. Admiral Strap: Excellent! You're just the crew for this job: trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Jason, Zidgel, Midgel, and Fidgel: (laugh) Fidgel: Strange, it seems to have a fence surrounding it. Midgel: I'll set the coordinates. Prepare for landin'! Zidgel: Well, that landing was a lot smoother than normal. Good job, men. Zidgel: Hmm, that's not gonna come up. Kevin: Look, sheep. Baa, baa. Zidgel: Alright, delegation from this planet should be here in two shakes of a lamb's tale. Jason: You want me to talk to them? Zidgel: Thank you, but no. The population here needs someone they can look up to and respect! While the doctor and Midgel help Navi get better, we three will take care of the planet problem. Barthos: Thank you for the sna-a-ack. Let's get going then. Zidgel: Oh, hello? And you are--? Barthos: I am Ba-a-arthos, supreme leader of the Planet Picket. Zidgel: I'm Captain Zidgel of the Federation. I'm here to help you with your time of need. Can someone get this off me? Anyway, on behalf of the Federation, let me say it's very nice to meet ewe. (laughs) You get it? E-W-E. (laughs) You get it? E-W-E, ewe? (laughs) Like a female sheep? Heh, yeah. Barthos: Is there someone e-e-else we can talk to? Jason: Nope, it's him or nobody. Barthos: (sighs) Zidgel: Ewe. (laughs) Michelle: Say, I was wondering, do you have some kind of transporter beam thingy I could use? Fidgel: Might we ask why? Michelle: Okay, here's my plan. We transport everything from Jason's room to my room and everything from my room to his. Switch nameplates too. He'll never know the difference. Fidgel: But would that be fair, dearie? Michelle: It would be fair for me. Navi: (sneezes) Fidgel: My sentiments exactly. Sheep: (bleat) Blue sheep: A-a-all rise! Kevin: Pardon me. Excuse me. Sorry. Pardon me. Jason: Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Zidgel: Pardon me. Coming through. Thank you. Coming through. Barthos: (clears throat) Countrysheep, lend me your she-e-ears. For today we face the gravest problem our planet has enco-ountered since the invention of wo-o-ol sweaters. Sheep: (bleat) Barthos: For here, on Planet Picket, the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fe-e-ence! Sheep: (bleat) Barthos: Order! Order in the house! Sheep: (bleat) Michelle: Fine, if no one will help me, I'll do it myself. Fix-bot, move everything out of here and over to Jason's room. Michelle: (screams) Michelle: We're under attack! Midgel: Someone's attacking your socks? Michelle: No. I mean, yes. I mean, just look! Little green-eyed monster: (growls) Barthos: A-a-and so, in closing, I can only call upon our better natures, that we can put this dile-m-mma behind us once and for all! Michelle: Captain, we're under attack! Sheep: (bleat) Zidgel: (giggles) Oh, sorry about that. It's just...they've got a problem over at the--it's a monster. Tiny thing, really. Kevin, go help them. Kevin: 'Scuse me. 'Scuse me. 'Scuse me. Zidgel: Oh, it's me? (clears throat) Well, as I see it, you've got a couple of options here. Zidgel: Uh...and to explain what those options are, I've brought in an expert in interstellar relations. Jason? Jason: What? Me? Oh, well, hello. Yes, my expert opinion is that you could...you should...switch sides. That way you could see if the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence. Sheep: (bleat) Barthos: Switch sides? Why, that's brilliant! All those in favor of switching sides say "Baa!" Sheep: (bleat) Barthos: So moved. Everyone, switch! Zidgel: (yawns) Don't know why, but, suddenly, I'm very sleepy. (yawns) Midgel: Hold still. Got you! Ooof! Midgel: Ow! Little imp bit me! Fidgel! A little help, please? Fidgel: Doing my best, old man, doing my best. Barthos: Now that we have all switched sides, is everyone satisfied? Sheep: (bleat quietly) Barthos: Wh-a-a-at say you? Sheep: Mister leader, sir, we are most not satisfied. Barthos: And wh-h-y not? Sheep: Their grass is still greener! (bleat angrily) Midgel: There he goes! Stop him! Michelle: (screams) Midgel: Now, that's just rude! Fidgel: Ow! I've had just about enough of this! Michelle: Someone do something! Fidgel: Fire in the hole! Midgel: Hey! Sheep: (bleat angrily) Zidgel: How can their grass be greener? You were just there! I'm telling you, it's exactly the same! Barthos: Order! Order in the ho-o-u-u-use! Zidgel: I'm telling you, grass is grass is grass! Good thing they're nothing like us, huh, Jason? Jason: Actually, Captain, I'm not so sure. Fidgel: Oh, stop! Midgel: Ahh! Michelle: (screams) Fidgel: There he goes! Stop him! Midgel: This way! Fidgel: Almost got him! Michelle: Help me! Somebody! Midgel: This way! Kevin: All gone. Kevin: Got him! Midgel: Thank goodness. Kevin: Can I keep him? Fidgel: As what? Kevin: A pet. Michelle: A pet? Kevin: Nice kitty. Michelle: I guess. Just make sure he doesn't get out. Fidgel: Let the captain know it's all under control here. Zidgel: Ah, no worries, Jason. Everything's fine back at the ship. Pink sheep #1: (screams) We're under attack! Run for your lives! Big green-eyed monster: (roars) Zidgel: Another monster? Heh, heh, no problem. I'll take care of it. Big green-eyed monster: (roars) Sheep: (scream) Zidgel: (faints) Big green-eyed monster: (roars) Barthos: Meeting adjourned! Meeting adjourned! Jason: Captain, captain, wake up! Zidgel: Huh? What? What time is it? Those sheep really put me to sleep. Jason: Hurry, Captain! We have to do something! Zidgel: Why? I just woke up. I need to brush my teeth, comb my hair-- Big green-eyed monster: (roars) Zidgel: And faint! (faints) Jason: Hey, guys, we need help out here! Midgel: What's wrong, Jason? Fidgel: Oh, my, that's a big one. Michelle: Where are they coming from? Big green-eyed monster: (belches) Midgel: Jason, where's the captain? Fidgel: Not good form. Michelle: Jason, you've been attacked by the green-eyed monster. Where have I heard that before? Midgel: Whatever you do, don't lead it back here. Fidgel: Exactly. We don't have a glass jar big enough to hold that! Kevin: (belches) Yummy! Jason: Hey, guys. Watch out, that thing is hungry! Midgel: Right, straight away, boys. Kevin: (sneezes) Midgel: Well, this is a fine kettle of fallubian friers. How are we supposed to fly around the galaxy saving people if we're stuck sitting on this? Zidgel: (whistles) Ahh! Midgel: Don't worry, Captain, he's trapped. Zidgel: That's right, you're trapped. By my crew. Excellent leadership skills. Let's go, men. Fidgel: Sorry, Captain, we can't. Zidgel: That's insubordination! That's mutiny! Fidgel: Captain, if we get up, he gets out. Zidgel: Hmm...good point. Barthos: What happened he-e-ere? Zidgel: Well, let's see. We showed up, tried to help you with your tiff, switched sides, started arguing, monster showed up, I brought in my crew, we saved the day. Midgel: I think you forgot the part where you fainted. Zidgel: Just going with the important details, thank you very much. Barthos: The monster destroyed our beautiful gra-a-ass. Barthos: There's hardly any of it le-e-eft. Barthos: Whe-e-ere's the monster? Zidgel: What do you mean "Whe-e-ere's the monster?" He's right he-- Midgel: That is one hungry monster. Barthos: What shall we do-o-o? Zidgel: Hope he keeps digging until he hits the other side. Zidgel: Huh, so much for that plan. Michelle: Green-eyed monster. Green-eyed (gasps) that's it. Michelle: Captain, Michelle here. Zidgel: Little busy, Michelle! Michelle: I think I know what caused the monsters to appear. Zidgel: Oh, then by all means. Do tell. Michelle: Get back to the ship. The green-eyed monster escaped. I'm scared and I'm running out of clothes. Jason: Woah. Kevin: Bad kitty! Michelle: I remembered something Sol told me and realized this monster is my fault. Midgel: Your fault? No! Fidgel: You can't blame yourself, dearie. Zidgel: So, what'd you do? Michelle: It came from envy. I resented what Jason had and now everything is ruined. I don't care if it is smaller, I like my room just fine! Midgel: Wait a minute, Michelle, that had an effect on it. Say it again. Michelle: I was wrong. I don't want Jason's room. I appreciate what I've got. I don't even care if my room's smaller! Zidgel: Thank our lucky stars! Fidgel: Wait a minute. You're saying this monster appeared from envy? Michelle: Yes. Fidgel: And if your solution was to appreciate what we have, then it stands to reason... Zidgel: Then what? What happens when we appreciate what we have? Midgel: Over here, pigeon. Tell the sheep exactly what you told us. Michelle: Attention, sheep! The secret is, be satisfied with what you have. Wanting someone else's stuff only feeds the monster. You have to be content! I repeat. You have to be content. Pink sheep #1: She's ri-i-i-ight. The grass on our side is as green as theirs! It's not so ba-a-a-ad! Sheep: (bleat) Jason and the Penguins: Hooray! Jason: Way to go, sis. Michelle: Thanks. Ow. Michelle: I'm sorry, everybody. Fidgel: Oh don't worry, dearie, all's well that ends well. Midgel: I had my doubts there for a while, there, though. Michelle: Sol was right. A heart that's satisfied is good, but envy just eats up everything you have and rots you from the inside out. Midgel: Chews a hole in your soul, you might say. Michelle: Yeah, that's it. It felt like something was chewing a hole in my soul. Zidgel: Midgel, our job is done here. Midgel: Feeling better, Navi? Navi: Yes, sir! Go to second solar system and turn right. Zidgel: Take us home, please. Grandmum: (singing) Mary had a little lamb, a little ham, a little cham. Mary had a little lamb, and I've done, I am, I am. Grandmum: Children! Come see what Grandmum made! Michelle: Something for us? Jason: (sniffs) Something to eat? Grandmum: (laughs) Good nose, Jason. I've got cake for later. But for now, wool blankets for each of you. Jason: Oh, thank you, Grandmum. It's beautiful. Michelle: So, this is what you were doing with all that wool! I love it! Grandmum: Oh. Can you guess why I put sheep on each blanket? Jason: 'Cause it's wool and you get wool from sheep? Grandmum: No, but that's very logical. Michelle: 'Cause you grew up on a sheep ranch? Grandmum: I didn't grow up on a sheep ranch, dear. But that's very imaginative. I put them on your blankets because sheep are innocent, gentle creatures just like you two. Jason: Michelle? Innocent? Michelle: Jason? Gentle? Grandmum: Now, up to bed and I'll bring you each a nice warm piece of my cake. Michelle: All right! Jason: Yes! Grandmum: Cake all around. With Grandmum's famous coconut raspberry guava frosting. Jason: Thank you, Grandmum. What's guava? It's not like liver, is it? Grandmum: No, it's a tropical fruit, dear. Michelle: Hey, his piece is bigger than-- Grandmum: Bigger than what, Michelle? Michelle: Nothing, Grandmum. I'm happy with the piece of cake I have. Grandmum: Oh. Good night, dears. Remember to brush your teeth. And don't forget to say your prayers. Michelle: Thanks for getting Jason and me through this last couple of days. Sorry I was so envious. Jason: Me, too. Next time, we'll remember to be happy with what we have and not be resentful of what we don't have. Michelle: Yeah. We're gonna really remember it, because I don't want any monster eating my socks. Jason and Michelle: Please bless Mom and Dad and Zidgel and Midgel and Fidgel and Kevin. Amen. Navi: Continue straight for the next five light years. Penguins: (sneeze) Fidgel: Oh, my. Category:Transcripts Category:3-2-1 Penguins! transcripts Category:Finished Transcripts